Current sky status
- Satellites overhead
- Loads
- Aeroplanes to Malaga
- 3
- Weather balloons
- 1 (allegedly)
- Venus being mistaken for something
- Constantly
- Confirmed aliens
- 0
- Unconfirmed aliens
- Look, it's early days
This site is not finished
What you're looking at is a holding page. The actual sky-tracking machinery is currently being assembled by my son, who assures me it will be ready soon. He also said that about the shelf in the spare room.
In the meantime, the sky is fully operational and requires no installation.
How to spot a UFO while you wait
- Make a cup of tea. This is non-negotiable and constitutes roughly 60% of the discipline.
- Go outside. Ideally after dark, ideally in a cardigan.
- Look up. Not at your phone. Up.
- Notice a light moving steadily across the sky. Feel a thrill.
- Realise it is the International Space Station. Feel slightly less of a thrill, but honestly still quite good.
- Repeat nightly until something genuinely inexplicable happens, or until the tea goes cold. Whichever comes first.
Known non-aliens
To save time, the following have already been investigated and ruled out:
- Venus
- Venus again
- A drone belonging to next door's grandson
- The security light on the garage
- Jupiter, being smug
- An owl, moving with genuinely suspicious confidence
- Venus, one more time
"I'm not saying it was aliens. I'm saying I've lived here forty years and that light has never done that before."
If you are an alien reading this
Welcome. Please note that we have identified you, and that you are being watched from a kitchen window in England by a woman with excellent night vision and a strong opinion about what is and isn't a helicopter.
You are, obviously, still welcome to land. There is parking on the drive. Please do not park across the neighbour's gate, as this has caused problems before and would sour what should be a historic occasion.